I’ve been thinking about the things that connect us as women and while there is so much to celebrate, one of the things we rarely speak openly about is the experience of loss.
For me, loss was the catalyst of my conscious awakening. At 18 years old I got pregnant. Because I was so young and it wasn’t a planned pregnancy, at the time there was a lot of pressure, shock and drama from well meaning family and friends. On my 19th birthday I had a miscarriage.
I remember there was an abrupt awkwardness and silence that surrounded my then sudden loss. No one spoke about it. I think many were relieved. But for me there was a deep, soul consuming grief and depression that overtook me. I didn’t know how to process it. I believed it was my fault and I was angry at myself, my partner and everyone around me. It might not have felt like it at the time but I see now, this was s the beginning of my personal awakening, understanding the power of my desires, intentions and fears and doing the work to heal and spiritually mature into the conscious woman I am today.
Today, I have a lot more tools to deal with loss and I understand the healing power of grief. For women who are on the journey of Conscious Conception or undergoing IVF, this may feel like a month after month reality. For others, you may have experienced loss before finally becoming a mother. Or, it might be on a different level for you – loss of identity, loss of career, loss of your pre-baby body, loss of partner, loss of friendships.
The problem is not in the loss itself, it lies in the fact that we haven’t been taught ways to honour it. This society doesn’t hold space for women to grieve or express our pain. We have no community to bear witness to our suffering. We are either ignored, dismissed or sent away with data or statistics about how commonplace our experience is, or prescribed drugs to manage our plummeting emotions. We believe we have to ‘be strong’ or ‘suck it up’. This doesn’t help us to heal and we end up either suffering in silence, which isolates and disconnects us. We may further suppress our pain until it shows up in damaging ways years later.
“For some it may be a wake up call, a call to reconnect with soul and spirit, a rearticulation of purpose, a need to see and acknowledge our gifts, or simply a recognition of the need for a community to come together again.”
(Sobonfu Some – Welcoming Spirit Home)
Do you recognise this in the ways you processed your own loss?
Only when we can give ourselves permission to actually face grief and loss head on, to feel and experience it in all it’s dark intensity, can we see the gift behind the wound and truly begin to heal.
“For some it may be a wake up call, a call to reconnect with soul and spirit, a rearticulation of purpose, a need to see and acknowledge our gifts, or simply a recognition of the need for a community to come together again.” (Sobonfu Some)
As women we have an amazing capacity to heal, grow and awaken, for ourselves and for others.. Motherhood only accentuates that. Any loss or grief you may have gone through in the past or are going through now could actually hold the potential for your highest evolution – if you can allow it. And if not you, maybe there’s someone you know who may need to hear this from you.
Soul Mama Affirmation: I release myself of guilt, shame or blame for losses I’ve had in my life. I give myself permission to feel the pain and to honour the loss. I know I have what it takes to rise through this with more love, power and grace. And so it is.
If you are or have experienced loss and feel it may be something holding you back from showing up fully, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. And if you feel called to, I’d be honoured to support further on your healing journey.
Nehanda is a mother of two, Holistic Life Coach and founder of Soul Mama. She writes and blogs about Wellness, Healing, Awakening and Spirituality for Conscious Mothers.