Photo Credit: Khadine Sinclair @wiredtoseephotography
Deep down, I always knew I’d love home-educating my son. What I didn’t know was just how powerful it would be and how transformative it would personally be for me too.
My son Luc is 8 years old now and a loving and intelligent boy. Our home-ed journey has truly been filled with beauty, a unique exploration of rhythm and balance, with a growing, deep relationship as a result of me centering my trust in him. Until recently, educating outside the classroom has been dismissed by the mainstream. Educating from home however presents wonderful opportunities to develop and learn in ways which classrooms by their very design cannot encourage. But, I will also say that I invest a lot into making it beautiful for us. Ask any home-ed parent and they will tell you that it takes time, patience, trial and error before a flow feels like it’s established – and even then, you are constantly adapting to the ever-changing needs of your child. Like everything worthwhile in life, the work is ongoing.
So, if your first experience of educating your child from home has been during this lockdown, and it has felt overwhelming and or impossible; don’t worry, even the so-called ‘pros’ have found this a trying time. Contrary to popular belief, homeschooling families are highly sociable and we regularly meet-up with other home-schooling friends, and do outdoor activities for regular exercise and so cabin fever hit us all hard!
My son went to school for 3 years before I made the decision to withdraw him from the UK mainstream system. He had a great time in Reception class (amazing teacher too) but had the common struggle when it came time to transition into Year 1. This was when the small yet significant flags were raised for me. At the time, I was comforted and impressed by Luc’s ability to ride through the challenges with all his character and flair intact. By Year 2 however, it was a complete contrast. I could see how much he had ‘conformed’ for want of a better word. In that short time, he had learned to be agreeable, not outspoken, silent instead of verbal, still instead of mobile, obedient to instruction whilst muting his natural independence. Most significantly, he was learning to please others and close off his own desires for curiosity and self-inquiry
“I am nearly two years into an unexpected process of deschooling myself; detaching from the limitations of western family values and where that would usually position my child. I’m relearning who I am as a person and so discovering my limitlessness as a woman and tuning into the more subtle qualities of being a mother. Life now is less about progress and more about happiness.“
I had seen enough. Enough of the one-size-fits-all, enough of the undermining of children’s intelligence, enough of the fed-up (albeit well-meaning teachers,) enough of the façade, that school had to be the best place for such innocent souls. I completely agree with the Sir Ken Robinson’s Ted Talk, school does kill creativity. Even more worryingly, I believe that school can kill the spirit of a child as well, especially that of young black children.
When our children are babies, they are cute, harmless and innocent to everyone, and society treats them as so. As they grow up however, society has a very different response. A grown black man, as we’ve seen painfully play out in George Floyd’s murder and all the other many acts of police brutality, are often unfairly viewed as a threat, a danger and a problem. These negative stereotypes and expectations begin from when our children are young. Look up the adultification of black children. It also shows up in the disproportionate number of black children (boys especially) who are expelled from school.
The reasons for coming into home-education are just as varied as families are. This makes for an amazingly diverse and nuanced community of home-based learners. You can be as pro-active or as relaxed as you like, structured or free flow, schooling, deschooling or unschooling, follow frameworks of others like Charlotte Mason’s or the Montessori method, or devise your own philosophy. Whatever your approach, the thing that should link us all is a desire to facilitate the child in a way that fits them, not the other way round.
There is much change that comes with home life once a child doesn’t attend school; one of the more beautiful by-products is the inevitable change that happens within the parent. I am nearly two years into an unexpected process of deschooling myself; detaching from the limitations of western family values and where that would usually position my child. I’m relearning who I am as a person and so discovering my limitlessness as a woman and tuning into the more subtle qualities of being a mother. Life now is less about progress and more about happiness. I am increasingly open to the true educative qualities in EVERY task. Our own fixed habits can be uncomfortable to let go of, but it’s been essential and humbling for me. So much is learned through the art of conversation, debate and real life scenarios. I create lots of room for observation and self-reflection which allows us to grow together and in harmony. There is a real emphasis on allowing my son to lead and consciously make space for his autonomy.
Maybe home-schooling feels like more of a real consideration right now. If so, my best advice is to remember it does not need to be forever, some children benefit from short bursts. Secondly, understand that it is a journey, not a quick fix and one that should align with your morals, values and sync with your instinct. Thirdly, research it together as a family. I believe now is such a great time to venture into home-ed. Although it’s still against the status quo, we’re a fast-growing community with many sources of knowledge and insight. One amazing resource that has given me a wealth of information, sense of community and support is Fare of the Free Child podcast by Akilah Richards who brings weekly stories of inspiration from self-directed learners and their families all over the world.
Education doesn’t end with adulthood, we are always learning and our children are our spirit guides uncensored and unmoulded. If we listen carefully, they provide us with the lessons we need, may have missed, or will benefit from retaking. I walk confidently without the limitations of anyone else’s blueprint as I know I am guided by my son and my intuition, purposely improvising every step of the way.
Kelly Bryant-Sinclair is a London based, unschooling mother of one, raising her son within a village of support from her Jamaican rooted family. She is a Declutter Coach and founder of Intuitively Improvised a decluttering service for the mind as well as physical spaces. She’s passionate about human psychology and the power of our untapped intuition and uses her platforms to also advocate for positive well-being.
Follow Kelly’s homeschooling journey @Intuitive_Rebellion
Follow Kellys Decluttering Business @Intuitively.improvised and on Facebook here
💕 Kelly, what an absolute pleasure to read! You and Luc are having so much fun in your learning journey together. I’m so very proud of you. You are a real pioneer Kelly and what amazingly fun-filled experiences Luc is gaining from his first and forever teacher! As a trained teacher myself, I left mainstream education for similar reasons. It’s so difficult to effect positive change within systems which were set ‘to hold us down’, tearing apart our spirits & joy at the same time. This dehumanising of us as Black people starts when our children enter those very ‘pearly gates’ called school! We see our children negatively change; that very light of inspiration, inquisitiveness & inquiry starts to fade, particularly for our boys who are gradually socialised & belittled by mainly white female teachers who gain some sort of deep-seated pleasure from covert negative interactions with our children, instead of helping them to learn & grow.
In closing I will say, continue learning and having such educational fun together. Next time I’m your way, I’ll pop by & join in! Thanks for sharing and for being so bold and brave.
I am Kelly’s mum and Luc’s nana. I read the article and I feel sooo proud off the woman in the pictures and proud of the young person that is her son. I was ‘worried’ that homeschooling could create problems but knew that it was the right thing to do for Luc. Watching him come back to being the beautiful child that we had allowed ‘traditional schooling’ to start eroding has been like soul food to me.
This is so heartening to read. Often the fear of what grandparents will think or say is a big reason many decide not to homeschool. Good to know Kelly has your full suppprt xx
My dear Kelly, what a pleasure to read! You are Luc are having so much fun in your learning journey together. I’m so very proud of you. You are a real pioneer Kelly! I can now direct other parents to you, who are also dissatisfied with mainstream schooling. Continue learning and having so much love and fun together. Next time I’m your way, I’ll come & join in! Thanks for sharing and for being so bold and brave. And most of all for listening to yourself in relation to Luc and his needs as an individual.