I first have to start with the disclaimer to say that I personally find the terminology and language of ‘trying to conceive’ a problematic energetic position to start out with. It has the tendency to keep you in a space of lack, feeling somehow ‘less than’ and can invoke an energy of chasing, reaching or efforting behind it. (I did a whole video about this on my Instagram you can check out here if you want to hear more on this.) I prefer to use ‘Conscious Conception’ to describe the journey of preparing for and actively calling in the spirit of your child. Either way, if you are at that juncture in your own life where you feel the desire for a, or (another) child and are committed to preparing yourself on a mind, body, soul level, here are some powerful questions you might want to ask yourself first.
1.What is my relationship like with my womb?
So many women only think of their womb in relation to child bearing, but cultivating a conscious healthy relationship with the womb goes so much deeper than that. As a space we are conditioned to supress, deny, medicalise and overlook, it can become a ‘storehouse’ as Queen Afua states of many repressed emotions. Healing, attuning and developing a healthy awareness of and connection to the womb is the first and crucial step. Read more on that in my other blog on ways to heal the womb.
2.What am I holding on to that needs to be released?
When you begin to centre the womb, she will likely reveal some emotions, thoughts or memories you are holding on to that aren’t serving your intention of calling in a child. Whether guilt, shame, fear or pain, it can be healing to name these things and ask yourself what ways you may begin to release them. Movement, Breathwork, Journaling, Therapy are just a few of the modalities you might find supportive at this stage.
3.Who/ what in my life needs to be forgiven?
Sometimes it’s an ex-lover, sometimes it could be a parent, sometimes it is our own selves that we need to offer deep forgiveness to. This releases ties, creates space and frees up energy. Ritual or ceremony are powerful ways to anchor in this intention.
4.What are my honest motivations for calling in a child?
Not the ones you share openly but your secret motivations – because you’re scared you’ll get too old, or because you want to prove something to someone/yourself, because you want to keep your partner, you want to be loved, or you want to keep up with friends/family/societal expectations etc. Being honest about your personal motivations helps to reveal what else might be calling out to be healed on a deeper level and helps release you and your potential future child from any unconscious negative binds from the beginning.
5.Is there space and time in my life right now for a child?
If your life feels chaotic, stressful, stretched and overwhelming, it can be much harder to create the conditions in your nervous system that directly instructs your reproductive system to respond…or not. Instead of waiting for a child to arrive before making changes why not create that space now, to slow down, rest, ground and begin from a place of peace.
6.What positive lifestyle changes can I (and my partner) make now?
It takes 3 months for any lifestyle change to affect us on a body and cellular level. Reducing your intake of toxins – caffeine, alcohol, overly processed and refined foods etc. are obvious places to begin but there also the subtle changes that are equally as important on a nervous system level before actively trying to conceive – creating space to move, breathe, laugh, reflect, rest and sticking to it are all important lifestyle changes to begin now.
7.Am I secure in my relationship, my home, my finances? i.e. Do I feel safe?
The root chakra is connected to how safe we feel in our lives – not always literally but also sometimes so – but more often subconsciously. Do you (and/or your partner) have a steady income to provide for a child? A safe home? Do you feel supported by a village of family and friends? Are you in a positive, supportive relationship? It’s not to say of course that these are always easy to achieve straight away and that’s not to even mention pandemics but research proves that fertility rates rise in direct relation to safety vs drop in crisis so the closer you can get to cultivating whole body safety, the better.
8.What do I hope to amplify in my motherhood?
I often support women who know exactly what they DON’T want to be – which is great and we’ll go there next- but seldom have they placed as much energy into how they DO want to show up as mothers. Get clear on this vision for yourself. What is your highest intention? What are your values? Discuss these with your partner (if applicable) and get to know theirs. This gives you a north star to come back to and a way of being that can start now.
9.What negative patterns am I committed to breaking? ‘Breaking generational curses’ has become a popular tweetable phrase in the mainstream but in reality, it’s a lifelong commitment. Evolving as a human inevitably means no matter how great our childhood, there will be things we want to do differently or not at all. Take the time to explore these things now in a way you can seek support through if necessary, before waking up to a version of life you’ve unconsciously recreated years later is a powerful way to begin.
- How can I begin to mother myself now? Last, but not least.. In the imaginings of your future self it can be easy to think that motherhood will be the birth of your maternal instinct but the truth is we hold the capacity to mother ourselves and others right now. Intentionally pouring care, love, softness and guidance into ourselves can be a powerful way to activate that mother energy within, whilst simultaneously soothing any mother wounds we might still be holding on to. Creating this as a practice will serve you not only into the transition of mothering another, but equally as importantly as a form of self-love and self-healing for the rest of your life.
If all of this sounds a lot, it’s because it is! Motherhood is a journey that whichever way it goes will alter us and our lives for good so why not take some time to embark on it as consciously, healthily and lovingly as possible.
I support women and couples trying to conceive through considerations like this and much more in my Conscious Conception Journey. If this resonates with you and you want to find out more book a free discovery call with me here to talk more.
In the meantime, I’d love to hear your thoughts below. If you’re a mama already, how would it have supported you to have considered these things before? And if you’re not yet but wanting to, how does it feel to work through these things before you even begin?
Love always
Nehanda