Healing through Loss – Guest Blog by Simone Dyer

Trigger warning – this article speaks about Still Birth

 In 2009, at 29 weeks pregnant my daughter was born still. Never would I have imagined a silence so loud, so deafening. I was 21 years old and newly married. I’d spent months observing and feeling her developing patterns as she grew in the safety of my womb. I was looking forward to birthing my baby and hearing her precious murmurs. Somehow, on a rainy July afternoon, in a brief moment of a few words spoken by a doctor: “I’m so sorry but your baby no longer has a heartbeat” ~ all that myself, my husband and our families had been looking forward to, felt snatched from our reach, from our hearts. At that moment, I knew my path was altered forever.

Losing a child is an experience that is forever imprinted on your heart. I want to dive right in here and say, it is so vital we recognise that loss is not a space for comparison. Whether you or someone you know has experienced an early or late pregnancy loss, a stillbirth, an ectopic pregnancy, a missed miscarriage or any other kind of child loss, it is valid. It matters because you, your feelings, your heart, all matter. We can’t possibly compare or measure heartache, and no one’s experience of loss is greater or lesser. We are here to be in connection and whilst of course, each of our experiences is different, every loss, every birth, every tear, every birthing person, every mama matters so let us strengthen each other.

When navigating child loss, it’s not just the loss of the baby, but also the loss of a projected future, desires from the ocean of a mother’s heart dissolved, dreams unfulfilled. My loves, I want you all to know that loss is not the end of the road. My intention for this sharing is to inspire and empower. It is a sweet whisper to remind you that you are not alone. Please do not feel guilty, be ashamed or allow yourself to be silenced about your experience, no matter what. Whilst I give voice to these experiences that unite so many of us, I also want to bring awareness to some tools for healing.

 

“When navigating child loss, it’s not just the loss of the baby, but also the loss of a projected future, desires from the ocean of a mother’s heart dissolved, dreams unfulfilled..“

There is a guiding light supporting you, willing you to dive into a place of deep healing, whenever you are ready to answer that call. That light is not found outside of ourselves, It is deep within us. As many of us will know, healing is by no means linear. It is a journey and therefore requires us to travel, to move, to feel, to flow through. We hold so much in our bodies and as women in our sacral area and womb space, it is for the greater good of ourselves, our future, the earth, our ancestors and future generations that we heal, that we break toxic cycles of silence and suppression and set ourselves free from suffering.

 

The first step towards my healing was allowing myself the time and space to just FEEL. Feel it all. Often we suppress the grief because society tells us we have to ‘cope’ and honestly, the grief can make us feel as though we may fall into an abyss of sadness and not find our way back, however, when we suppress trauma and loss and do not move those feelings through us to be released, they become stuck in our physical and energy body and then manifest in other areas of our lives. We have to feel it to heal it!

I also had to ACCEPT my new reality and over time, begin to adjust accordingly, I had to make peace with many questions that were left unanswered. That meant I also had to TRUST. I had to trust that God, a Divine Power was working for my greatest and highest good always and although I didn’t understand so much, having and exercising FAITH meant that over time I made PEACE with the fact that I was a vessel for this beautiful soul, specifically and divinely chosen. She did not belong to me, she was not a possession, but if only for a short time this beautiful being came to teach me.

Over the years some of the tools that have supported my healing are counselling, spiritual guidance, prayer, womb healing, movement, reiki, meditation, and five element acupuncture. Now, 11 years later, when I look at my experience with growing and birthing my baby, I can clearly see the gifts my daughter came to give me. I am now blessed to work with mothers and families as a Doula through birth and death, I am a holistic massage practitioner for womb wellness, pregnancy, fertility, postpartum and hold space to teach and guide those wanting to heal, through sacred circles, gatherings and one to one sessions.

I share my personal journey with love, however, I want to acknowledge that there is no ‘manual’ for healing, no one particular way or direct path. Healing is not linear, but it is necessary, powerful and liberating. I offer an invitation to you today, to come home to yourself and to seek that light within, to stay kind to yourself as you honour your feelings. Navigate your path of healing whether through loss or otherwise in the time and ways that best serve you.

Do not be afraid to ask for help and support, do not fear your pain, instead, let it be an informational guide for you to heal it from its roots. More than anything, trust yourself and know there is so much life, so much beauty, abundance and happiness to still be had after a loss. You do not have to merely cope, you can live a full life, you can laugh, you can love and you can THRIVE because that is your birthright.

You are seen, you are heard, you are felt, you are loved,

Love & Bliss

Simone xx

Books that helped my healing:

UK Healers:

Simone Dyer is a Birth & Post Natal Doula, Womb Wellness Practitioner, and Pregnancy Masseuse and Founder of The Most Sacred Journey.

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