I was 16 when I first read ‘Mists of Avalon’by Marion Bradley – a profoundly beautiful and inspiring telling of the King Arthur myth from the perspective of the women surrounding him. It was my first exposure to the ancient Celtic Goddess-centric form of spirituality and although on first reading I mainly took the story at face value as just another fantasy novel to lose myself in, something of the essence of the tale lit a small and quiet fire in the depths of my teenage heart.
Fast forward 5 years and I found my way to the book once again – at the beginning of what I think of as my path of awakening. This time, the full weight of the simple yet magical truths beneath the wonderful story set my Soul ablaze. This book taught me so much about what it means to be a woman walking the priestess path – the path of a goddess. It introduced me to the idea of the Triple Goddess as representative of the three stages of womanhood – Maiden, Mother and Crone. At the age of 21, I felt very much on the cusp of my Maiden journey and related fiercely to the main character at the same place in her life. Looking back, at that point an initiation into the ways of being a woman in the world begun for me, discovering the ways that I as a single Soul related to everything and everyone. To lovers, to friends, to work, to creativity, to my ‘yes’, to my ‘no’, to my own heart, mind, boundaries, desires, hopes and dreams
Once I walked through it, my Soul would be alchemically changed forever. Whatever happened, I would always, always from then on – be a Mother. Not many people seem to talk about this aspect of the journey and how deeply it reverberates through one’s being!
In the 10 years since that spark was lit, I have traversed the topology of my Maiden Soul. With the best of intentions, I have mapped the plains and the rivers, the mountains and the valleys. I have roamed far and wide, diving deep, soaring high, dancing – always dancing, reaching, expanding, contracting, conserving, discovering, exploring, roaming free – learning the landscape and the language of this wild and beautiful place.
Now, my wanderings have led me here – to what I am truly experiencing as the first major Transition with a capital ‘T’ of my womanhood since reading ‘Mists of Avalon’aged 21. Motherhood.
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Before becoming a mother, I always knew that I wanted to have children. I knew it in a ‘take it for granted’ kind of way. A sort of ‘oh probably two, maybe three kids’ kind of way. It was only in the final stages of my pregnancy that I begun to truly realise that the changes happening within me on a soul level truly were of mythic proportions. Walking through this gateway was unlike any other I’d walked through before.
Once I walked through it, my Soul would be alchemically changed forever. Whatever happened, I would always, always from then on – be a Mother. Not many people seem to talk about this aspect of the journey and how deeply it reverberates through one’s being!
Even as I write this, 8 months after bringing my daughter into the world, I still struggle to find the best words to describe the enormity of this unfolding experience. Underneath the physical changes of pregnancy, the monumental effort of labour and birth, the daily challenges of mothering a new baby, underneath all these external experiences that are so often focused on – my inner landscape heaves, shudders, breaks, opens and dilates as my Maiden Soul becomes a Maiden-Mother Soul.
The ‘easy’ thing to do would be to lose myself in mothering and abandon my Soul adventures. Give myself totally over to my beautiful daughter and her needs. Turn my back on the changing landscape within as the tectonic plates shift irreversibly. But I cannot. This is the goddess path. If I find a moment to close my eyes, take a breath, give myself some space to check in, the landscape that felt so familiar after 10 years of exploration feels somehow different. The stars that I once used to navigate by have been rearranged in the night sky. There now stand mountains where perhaps once there were valleys, lush rainforest where perhaps a vast desert once stood. The language, the rhythm, the pulse of the land – similar yet somehow foreign. Everything within me feels in motion. And that is okay. I honour that truth, giving it the space and time that it needs to shift and change and – eventually – settle.
Is it a totally new world? No. More like a new dimension of my inner reality humming into being at a different frequency. I must listen carefully, tuning to this new vibration. I must learn new ways to dance between who I was and who I am now – negating neither aspect. Welcoming all.
What will this next phase of my womanhood look like? Feel like? Sound like? What new dances are there to learn, paths to tread, songs to sing? Underneath the daily rhythm of breastfeeding, naps, nappies, nursery rhymes – what shape is my Soul slowly beginning to take? I am only 8 months into Motherhood. 8 months into a journey that will last the rest of my life, so I cannot answer those questions with any kind of certainty or assuredness in this moment. A Maiden-Mother. Wise and yet new once again. Moment to moment, I find ways to weave together Before and After. To integrate and align all that I was and all that I am yet to become.
What seemed like the deepest depths and the furthest horizons suddenly feel like just the beginning. My bare feet upon the soil of my Maiden Soul felt so deeply rooted. Yet now, I realise that those roots were just the first shoots. That was just Act One. I am once again at the beginning of a journey, once again being initiated into another aspect of the Triple Goddess – the Mother Goddess. It feels time to read ‘Mist of Avalon’ for a third time, I’m sure a whole new layer of understanding lies there waiting for me once again…
Through years of discovery and exploration, Omotayo has become a firm believer in the powers of the subconscious, the body and nature itself as tools for healing, integration and transformation. As a Tarot reader and movement meditation practitioner with a foundation qualification in Integrative Psychotherapy, Omotayo has been educated with a priceless understanding of how to work with beings holistically – body, mind and soul.